just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize