if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
