I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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