I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
