Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
