dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
