i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
