dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
