is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
