something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
