tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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