this boner is exhausting
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize