we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
