i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
