get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is wine microwaveable?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize