Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
