Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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