Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
