You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize