Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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