I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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