I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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