Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
