It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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