i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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