Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm too high and old for this...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
