You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
