Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
