are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
