giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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