this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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