i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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