I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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