Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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