Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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