I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
