I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
