Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
