I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
