My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
