I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
