i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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