You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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