You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have aggressive nipples.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
