So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
