susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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