he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
