She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
