they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
