but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
