Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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