Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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