yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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