erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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