why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
