I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
