He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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