There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
