He disabled his match.com account in front of me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A+ Viking dick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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