i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
