i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
