i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
