If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
