Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
