I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
