I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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