I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
