HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
